Life – u.g.h (update)

Okay. I realize I’m supposed to be keeping up with this blog – especially since I have to write about companies as a sponsorship. But here I am, a few weeks later, with a new blog post FINALLY.

I realize I never finished my high school series of blog posts and the chances of me finishing that are so slim because high school was SHIT, I’m done with it, my whole mind is on college, and honestly the last two years of high school were two of the hardest years of my life mentally and writing them out and telling you how I had a boyfriend who was doing crazy drugs or that I missed a total of 90 class periods within one quarter of junior year just didn’t seem appealing to me. Writing those posts just seemed like me saying to myself, “what the fuuuuck cass, you sucked.”

Let me tell you about my life though, and where I went when I was missing in action. Where did I go? Absolutely no where. I was mentally a hot mess. Kim Kardashian couldn’t even top how hard I cried for DAYS. I hit a really weird and scary point in my life where I actually just didn’t give any care in the world about anything other than doing a bunch of dumb shit that could’ve really screwed up my life. We’ll save all those stories for another day though. Obviously, my parents noticed that my whole mindset and actions and attitude towards life was not where it should be and they stepped in and did something about it and boy I was pissed. I needed “time for myself” and needed to have a “reality check” and cassidy was not a happy camper. But thank god they stepped in. News flash, my parents actually did something that I realized was for my best interest. I did nothing for a good three weeks. I sat by myself, cried uncontrollably, and watched more netflix movies than any person should ever watch. I had hit a really low point with myself. I felt that my parents didn’t care for me, that I was never good enough for them. I let so many friendships slip that I LUCKILY got back. I was really down on myself. And it didn’t help that I stalked Kendall Jenner on instagram every single night before I went to sleep.

So as that was all happening, a lot of other things were going on in my life. Graduation snuck up on me and from the second I stepped out of high school in December, I questioned if I even wanted to walk at graduation. Nothing about it sounded appealing to me. Why go back to something that I finally had put in my past. When it came to the time that I needed to decide what I was going to do, I realized having anxiety over this was so not worth it. So I did the opposite of what everyone else does and didn’t walk. Best decision I could’ve made. I threw my graduation cap in the trash, got my diploma and I’m still going to college, without having to go relive something that had such a terrible impact on my life. Are you sisters shook?????? Cassidy doesn’t follow normal standards of graduation high school??? What???? Big shocker!!!

In the middle of all of this happening, I moved out of my house for personal reasons. Not living in my own apartment, not living on the streets, just at my grandma’s house five minutes away from my house. Future cassidy looking back on these blog posts: THIS WAS THE BEST THING I COULD’VE POSSIBLY DONE FOR MYSELF. With the life I was living in my home, with the guilt I had felt with my parents, and with the atmosphere within my home, it didn’t make any sense for me to stay there. And so I left. I packed all my stuff and here I am, three weeks later, not regretting this decision one bit. My grandma and her house are the definition of my safe place and if anyone has helped me throughout the past two years of my life, it has been her. And she continues to do that. Moving out was totally for me, not because of anyone else. Not because of my mom, my dad, my sister. Just for me. I needed away in order to figure my shit out. Homegirl is going to college in two months, I needed to get my life straightened out!!

And speaking of college… I went to orientation at University of Cincinnati last week and while it was the most boring 48 hours of my life, it made me want to do cartwheels at the same time. My college advisor has pink hair and says “fuck” every other word. My roommates and I snuck into our dorm room and um, our window looks right out to the frat boys’ basketball court. And I was with two of roommates and oh. my. god. They are so freakin’ cool. Cool clothes, pretty faces, so funny. Us together is enough to have our own reality tv show. So college is going to be the highlight of my life and I will find my husband when I’m there and if that happens that I’ll consider it a success. So boys, have my ring ready.

I went to the Harry Styles concert with Mady which has nothing to do with this post, but 12 year old me was shaking and I just wanted to make it clear that I will never love anyone more than I love that man. And that’s all I have to say about that. But to the girl sitting next to us at the concert, I appreciate you warning me that you might punch me when you see him because you’re so excited, I admire your dedication to him, and you scared me slightly when you screamed, “crack my asshole open like a coconut.”

So that’s the tea. Me, missing in action? Never. Just me being as emotionally unstable as Ross when Rachel didn’t understand that they “WERE ON A BREAK!!!” But I’m here, thriving and vibin and being the trendy teen girl that I am. I promise I’ll start posting more regularly. I kind of have to considering these companies are SPONSORING me. But I wanna post more regularly because I want to, not because anyone is making me. But BootayBag, please don’t be mad at me. I’ll tell the world that you’re underwear is great and that you donate to charities. And to the 10,000 readers I have, I’m sorry that you waste your time reading my blog, but like, thanks. Make me famous please.

xoxo, cassidy

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